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I disclose the boundaries for me by using personal disclosure; before sharing the events that took place that brought me into the profession of social work, I disclose that I am comfortable just describing the experience in a very vague manner. I do this because I want to be able to communicate with clients on a level that helps them feel not alone, creating this base of trust and respect.
All the while working on considering my self-disclosure appropriate or not, the questions I used to ask myself frequently sounded something like: Why am I sharing this? How will it benefit my client? Such reflections, therefore, drew a conclusion from me that this is an instance where sharing too much is not advisable, as one had to be protective of my clients' needs and experiences.
Events unfolded gradually during the three-year period framing my journey. One moment stands out very sharply in my mind: I distinctly remember sitting on that first bus, at 5 a.m. without anyone around and being dope-sick, attempting to understand what had just happened. The feelings of panic followed by overwhelming devastation, preceded by self-blame and hatred of myself then for them. Guilt and grief overwhelmed me, as I wished I could have saved my roommate that is now dead laying on my bed. He had done too much, he had overdosed. This was my rock bottom, I reached a new level of hatred for drugs. This in turn made me decide to take back my life, NO more I would be held captive by this disease of addiction, it was time for my jailbreak, time to be free again. Every day since then, I count myself lucky to have been freed from that life. Yet, a lot of reminders of my past are still there; whether passing a certain area of town, seeing my own scars, my arms now hold, I still fight triggers throughout that still at times evoke feelings of guilt. Instead of relapsing or allowing self hatred I decided to do something positive, make a life I was proud of
I knew this was my time to give back positively to those who were still trying to make it. After all, they were the ones who accepted me and took me in when I had lost my way.
The toughest part about staying sober was feeling as if I were leaving behind those who did not give up on me. I felt like I had turned my back on them. However I made a promise to myself to find a way not to abandon them and later used that for a reason to take up social work as my profession.
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